Tory Fail #7 - H.M.S Picklefore by Gilbert and Sullivan

H.M.S Picklefore by Gilbert and Sullivan

A tale of Tory Pocket Boroughs 2009
Performed by The Conservative Light Opera Policy Society

Act I:

5th August 2009

Eric Pickles, David Cameron and a potential 'parachute' candidate are gathered in Conservative HQ. Eric Pickles (The Fairy Queen) explains Conservative electoral strategy and calms the nerves of the candidate.

Eric Pickles: I see your difficulty, but with a fairy brain you should seek an intellectual sphere of action. Let me see. Lord Ashcroft has a borough or two at his disposal. Would you like to go into Parliament?

David Cameron: A fairy Member! That would be delightful!

Tory Candidate: I'm afraid I should do no good there - you see, down to the waist, I'm a Tory of the most determined description, but my legs are a couple of confounded Radicals, and, on a division, they'd be sure to take me into the wrong lobby. You see, they're two to one, which is a strong working majority.

Eric Pickles: Don't let that distress you; you shall be returned as a Liberal-Conservative, and your legs shall be our peculiar care.

Act II:

5th August 2014

Elected in 2010, the candidate - now an MP, looks back at the first 4 years of their work. In soliloquy:

Tory Candidate: I grew so rich that I was sent,
By a pocket borough into Parliament.
I always voted at my party's call,
And I never thought of thinking for myself at all.
I thought so little, they rewarded me
By making me the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

(Original lyrics from Iolanthe and H.M.S Pinafore with names changed only)